Category Archives: fable

Addiction

Hi, my name is Mathieu and I am a test addict

I wasn’t always like this. It all started a few years ago. I was working on a graphic application and there was a fluke. I only saw it once. The colors kept flickering: red-green-red-green-red-green. I was mesmerized, I could not look away.

I was staring at the screen, trying to figure out what went wrong when I felt something… snap… inside my head. I didn’t know what it was and went home, but it kept haunting me. I could not sleep that night, so I went to see the Guru, a little guy standing high on his ebony chair, on the last floor of the highest building in town. I talked about the colors, and like I felt something was missing from my life.

“Unit test you shall” was his answer.

I did some research and found what he was talking about. Testing frameworks, stubs, mocks. A new world opened to me. I read about all this weird stuff all night.

The morning after I started to test, I was wondering what it would feel like.

Red – hm mm, OK
Green – nice, something works!
Refactor – change this, and this… and the code still works!

I felt peace inside, a feeling that nothing could go wrong with my life, ever again…
RedGreenRefactor
I was hooked.
RedGreenRefactor, RedGreenRefactor

Over and over, faster and faster

The light kept flickering. I couldn’t get enough.
I felt… strange. I felt… alive.
Corporate drones kept coming close, attracted to the light like little bugs, but they had to shield their eyes – the light was too strong. A few people went blind and were set to maintain the mainframe, deep under the Earth’s crust.

But one particular mindless Cobol Zombies was attracted by the light . I handed him the keyboard and as he started to code, I could see flesh forming all over his rotten body. He was alive!

The addiction could spread. I was amazed. I had just saved a life!

But I cannot do all the work alone. I need your help. Help spread the word, help save the world!

Disclaimer: This is a mostly true story. Some events and places have been slightly modified for my own enjoyment.
No Cobol Zombies were injured during the writing of this story.