Hi, my name is Mathieu and I am a test addict
I wasn’t always like this. It all started a few years ago. I was working on a graphic application and there was a fluke. I only saw it once. The colors kept flickering: red-green-red-green-red-green. I was mesmerized, I could not look away.
I was staring at the screen, trying to figure out what went wrong when I felt something… snap… inside my head. I didn’t know what it was and went home, but it kept haunting me. I could not sleep that night, so I went to see the Guru, a little guy standing high on his ebony chair, on the last floor of the highest building in town. I talked about the colors, and like I felt something was missing from my life.
“Unit test you shall” was his answer.
I did some research and found what he was talking about. Testing frameworks, stubs, mocks. A new world opened to me. I read about all this weird stuff all night.
The morning after I started to test, I was wondering what it would feel like.
Red – hm mm, OK
Green – nice, something works!
Refactor – change this, and this… and the code still works!
I felt peace inside, a feeling that nothing could go wrong with my life, ever again…
I was hooked.
Over and over, faster and faster
The light kept flickering. I couldn’t get enough.
I felt… strange. I felt… alive.
Corporate drones kept coming close, attracted to the light like little bugs, but they had to shield their eyes – the light was too strong. A few people went blind and were set to maintain the mainframe, deep under the Earth’s crust.
But one particular mindless Cobol Zombies was attracted by the light . I handed him the keyboard and as he started to code, I could see flesh forming all over his rotten body. He was alive!
The addiction could spread. I was amazed. I had just saved a life!
But I cannot do all the work alone. I need your help. Help spread the word, help save the world!
Disclaimer: This is a mostly true story. Some events and places have been slightly modified for my own enjoyment.
No Cobol Zombies were injured during the writing of this story.